Amazing the difference an Orange makes
Reflections of my first REAL fast- at the age of 56
Star R. – mother of 1 daughter grandmother of two granddaughters
I had been planning for the fast for at least 6 weeks, so I thought I was prepared. I’d talked to Loren a lot and I’d read other folk’s accounts of their experiences. I definitely had my expectations. Loren said that mostly I would be lying around – probably tired. I don’t really think I believed that would be me- but it didn’t matter, because that would be a nice time to reflect- get closer to God- and have beautiful insights. I once did a five-day “watermelon fast” in the mountains- and it was fun (Loren said “that isn’t a fast- that’s eating”). Now I know what he meant. I’ve been vegetarian for around 15 years- and mostly vegan for about 6 years. When I decided to do the fast I ate primarily raw for about 6 weeks- and completely raw for the week before I came with the exception of a bag of potato chips at the airport when I was feeling very stressed. Again- I thought I was prepared. On the day of my travel there was bad weather and flights were cancelled and delayed and I finally reached Maryland and the Wellness Center from California at about 1:00AM – quite exhausted. I had planned to fast that day, but due to the circumstances I did eat a fruit plate on the plane, and some fruit (and those pesky potato chips) at the airport. Still- I thought I would be fine. This was going to be a high spiritual experience.
I started out the first day pretty tired. I took it very easy. Slept, did a bit of yoga stretching and read. I also spit out a lot of mucous. I didn’t sleep too well that night. When on Day 2 I woke up around 5 I felt horrible and by 6AM I was willing Dr. Kevorkian to come and put me out of my misery. I had all kinds of terrible thoughts. I didn’t know what was going on- I just knew that death would be better. Then I threw up. Then I threw up again. That helped. Briefly. Loren talked to me- said it would get better- and I believed him. After all- I am a strong person. Two weeks ago I was hiking the Inca trail in the Andes. The day was awful and long. I drank quite a bit of water- especially because the taste in my mouth was so terrible. I got out of breath going to the bathroom- which happened fairly regularly because I was drinking all that water. I went through a box of Kleenex (actually 7th generation tissue- safe for the environment).
Loren kept talking to me. I tried to maintain a decent attitude. I read when I could. That night I really wrestled with the bed. The sheets were knotted up in a ball. I was feeling much worse. Constant nausea, a burning, bitter, scummy tongue, and my attitude was declining. I tried to meditate with no success. God seemed really far away. I had no insights. I could barely think. My entire body except for my arms and legs hurt in some way. I burped. The nausea and burning in my stomach was the worst. I sat in the sun for about 15 minutes before I was exhausted and went back to bed- which I vacillated between thinking was a prison (self imposed) and a hospital (which I don’t enjoy). I couldn’t even think of doing a yoga pose.
Ah- then there is Dana- the beautiful woman that has come to fast. It’s day 2 of her fast and it’s Easter- and she has walked to church (remember- I couldn’t even sit in the sun for 15 minutes). I really did wonder what was wrong with me- even though Loren was constantly reassuring- told me stories- and lots of stuff that really wasn’t sinking in. I never in all my life imagined this. Gandhi walked across the desert on a fast. I had had times when I had eaten very little- and it wasn’t a big deal. Now my lips were dried out and beginning to crack, I thought maybe that was just because it was a weather change for me- a different part of the world. (It wasn’t) never-the-less- I wanted to go back home where that doesn’t happen to me.
By 8PM that evening I had had it. I pretty much hated the universe, I felt like I was in a torture chamber- and I didn’t think I would make it through the night. I decided I would end the fast- in case that would help. I watched the clock through the night – counting the minutes and hours left before dawn. I wanted Miso soup or Macaroni and Cheese to soothe my stomach. Every breath was a deep breath-just to stay alive- it felt. All my thoughts seemed negative. Nothing in the world seemed like fun. I couldn’t think of anything I liked- but I thought if I am going to feel like this I want to do it in my own bed. If I was going to die I wanted it to be at home. I started admiring the drug companies because they helped put people out of their misery (O.K.- I can easily admit now that was incorrect thinking- usually have a lot of disdain for the drug companies- especially after working in Nuclear Medicine for 14 years). My brain had gone pretty crazy. I attempted Reiki on myself. I called on my body elemental. I begged for something to make me feel better. I fantasized about an orange going across my burning, bitter tongue.
When it became light I listened to every noise- wondering if Loren was up. I actually had more energy and I walked up the stairs to check several times. Finally sometime about 9 I found him in his office. He was a champion (not that I felt that way at the time…) he talked to me for 45 minutes- carefully explaining everything to me. I listened- but I really couldn’t hear. I was ready for the pain to go away- and if it was food that was going to do it- bring it on. He did his best to get me to try one more day- saying that I would probably feel better- and telling me all kinds of case histories- and giving me lots of information- even telling me that he craved bacon and eggs when he first fasted. My mind had been made up since 8PM the night before- so I wasn’t hearing. By that time I was doubting the benefits of raw food, vegetarianism- and certainly fasting. O.K.- so my body was releasing toxins. I was going to make friends with those toxins and live with them- if I could do it without pain. I just hoped I would have the energy to make it to a plane. I would get my ticket changed even if it cost all the money I had or would ever have.
So in spite of Loren’s diligent explanations- covering every aspect imaginable- especially what happens emotionally- I just couldn’t hear by that point- and at 1PM I had that glorious orange. With the first section in my mouth- my whole world changed. I felt an energy run through my whole body. God came back. I could notice- and enjoy and appreciate a bird outside the window. Color returned. Wow! And I had barely swallowed- just let some juice run down my throat. It felt so good on my tongue. My appreciation for life was at it’s max- when just a moment ago it was non-existent. Actually at that moment I felt like I had gotten my reward for fasting. After that I showered and called my friend in Massachusetts and told her what was up and she said she would come and get me and take me to Ocean City. Before the Orange I didn’t think I wanted to go anywhere but home to my bed- even if I did break the fast. Amazing the difference an Orange makes. I even took a walk around the block and appreciated the myriad trees and flowers blooming. I talked to them all and was SO happy. And SO HAPPY to be happy. I became social again- enjoying a conversation with Alison who lives here at Tanglewood Wellness Center, and one with Dana- the other faster- who on day 3 had gone and spent several hours in the library on the computer and then walked back a 30 minute walk. She said she had been a little restless the night before- and had felt a little tired. Yes- different folks are affected differently. She told me she drinks a little coffee- and even eats a little meat. Loren was right. Different people are affected differently. I just never expected it was going to be me that would be affected at all…I went from thinking all nasty thoughts (which is NOT my way of being) back to full appreciation for life. That evening I played on my computer with my Peruvian slide show- and smiled a lot, sitting there by myself, as I was doing it. I had eaten the famous orange, and a tangerine a couple of hours later, and then some cherry tomatoes around 7PM. I went to bed around 10:30 and slept well for the first time in 5 days- and it was blissful.
It’s now morning and I am reflecting. So many things now make sense that didn’t before. All that stuff about releasing toxins. And old stuff in your cells. Why a water fast is VERY different than “juice” fasts, etc. How the emotions (and very strong egos-at least mine) get involved. I am glad I broke the fast. Otherwise I might have exploded. Or imploded. I wasn’t prepared for the pain. I do know that I have stuff to let go of- and I do believe that fasting is a great technique- and that it works. I know just by doing the 4 (and a half) days- how good I feel now- especially emotionally- as I love everything even more. I still don’t feel like doing a hike, but Loren says the energy will come back in a day or two- and since everything else he has said has proven out- I trust him on that. I suspect I will fast again-I’m not sure when, or for how long. Obviously my body has things to get rid of. My tongue tastes sweet again- and already my cracked lips are much better. This has been a very supportive atmosphere. I am SO grateful to Loren and his staff. Life is good. Actually- life is awesome.